Tuesday, November 24, 2009
While walking home yesterday, not 100 meters from my house, I suddenly felt an unfamiliar and oddly discomforting emotion. A wave of futility washed over me about our existence here on earth.
In a span of a few seconds, I saw in my head the whole spectrum of one's life (like a mega MACRO overview of a person's life from birth to death) and realized that:
1. Life is too short. You won't be around long enough for anything.
2. Life is relatively meaningless. Whatever purpose or achievement or meaning you establish while you're still alive will eventually (rather quickly too) disappear and be forgotten.
3. You live. You grow up. You strive. You work. And soon, you die.
4. I don't want to die. It's just that it feels like life is one big futile existence.
Sigh. You think maybe I could be a good candidate for psychiatric drug therapy? Wonder what Prozac will do for me... hmm.
Posted at 01:31 pm by Sabishii Otoko
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Sunday, November 22, 2009
I'm sitting on the table having breakfast when I remembered my late uncle's wake and eventual cremation. I tried to imagine how it would be if that was me instead of my uncle.
My loved ones distraught over my death. Trying to come to terms with their own pain and looking for comfort where there is none. And after a couple of days, they'll be tasked to accompany me from the chapel into the crematorium where they get one last look at me. One last chance to say their goodbyes before they never see my actual face ever again.
And then it hit me. That's not my problem. It's the problem of those who'll be left behind.
And I realize, dying is such a selfish act.
Don't you think?
Posted at 08:05 am by Sabishii Otoko
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Thursday, November 19, 2009
the moonlight glow streams through the curtains
as the sandman quietly comes to me
he brings what i fear the most
but also what i desperately need
the darkness of slumber
nothing but endless night
as i wander aimlessly and start to fall
i give in, not without a fight
i lay there for what felt like an eternity
when i hear his silent call
the sun has started his ascent
and he beckons for everyone
including my weary soul
i open my eyes, still resisting
the day goes on, ever persisting
it's a day full of wonderful possibilities
i exhale...and begin the journey anew.
filling my being with a renewed purpose
as i fully come alive into the promise of the new day
i forge on with nary a thought
the inner light within shining through
i smile.
and the world is right once more.
Posted at 02:06 am by Sabishii Otoko
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